Patriotism vs. Nationalism

There is a lot of current conversation using the words patriotism and nationalism as though they were interchangeable phrases or concepts. Historically, they have not been interchangeable and I would argue they’re not today either. 

Patriotism and nationalism differ in the areas of unity vs. uniformity, reflection, and expectation around improvement. They both reflect a love of country and a pride in home and aspects of history. One is more willing to embrace truth-telling than the other. 

With regard to unity vs. uniformity, nationalism seeks the latter. Most nationalist movements have a concept of the “ideal” citizen in terms of race, religion, and/or political ideology. In the beginning of most nationalist movements, this is the “quiet” part. Leaders of the movement don’t necessarily specify these preferred expressions because they need everyone to be “all in” in order to achieve power. Eventually, though, the truth will out. Look to who speaks for the group most often and most publicly. Do not look for tokens, but for the most regular way of being. There are always early signs of the expectation of uniformity. 

Healthy patriotism seeks unity. This can be difficult to achieve because it involves listening, compromise, sharing of power and resources, and the pursuit of goals in common. An effort toward unity requires work that not everyone wants to do because it can be slow. Reciprocity and careful communication are required. Progress can be made. Within some of the greatest historical movements, there have always been tensions among leaders, but the change happened in the struggle for unity on the things that mattered most to the most. 

Patriotism allows and encourages reflection on history - celebrating victories and movements and learning from failures and losses. This reflection is not a blame game, but a chance to see the multi-sided truth of what happened, who was harmed, who benefitted, and how we got to where we are. This can be hard and, sometimes, painful work. Patriotism, as a deep love of country, sees it as necessary to continue to grow and to achieve the dreams of all who call a place home. 

Nationalism turns away from deep reflection. The narrow way of this mindset does not allow for the space to consider multiple viewpoints. In fact, integration of a variety of viewpoints would conflict with the preference for uniformity. Nationalism wants us all to accept the stated narrative, without consideration of additional information or experience. Even when a historical consideration is generally considered objectively harmful, the door to additional reflection is often shut to prevent “stirring up trouble” or bringing up things that are “over”. 

Finally, a patriot loves their country enough to be truthful about room for improvement. Accepting that the work will be on-going and sometimes tough, patriotism knows that the dreams continue and the effort to reach the mountaintop carries on. Patriotism can simultaneously recognize sacrifice and dedication AND expect moral deliberation and a pursuit of justice and liberty for all. No patriot would ever see these as mutually exclusive. 

Nationalism loves power. The strong fist, the weapon, the rules (written and unwritten) are the tools that keep those who would stray out of line with the vision of the future. Obedience has a high value and questions are viewed as the gateway to disobedience. In history, nationalist movements are known for having redefined common terms, for creating outgroups and scapegoats, and for shifting the settled laws and norms of the land, both inside and outside of legal channels. Viewed through the lens of history, nationalist movements often look like cults, but we rarely use that term because of the scope of their work in government(s). 

Patriotism and nationalism are not the same. They don’t have the same goals and they don’t show up in the world in the same way. There are many ways of defining them, but even if you use my basic definitions you should be able to tell them apart.

Here’s a story about my kid, both to illustrate a point and because I’m proud of him. My teen runs cross-country. In a recent race, he sacrificed the opportunity to improve his personal record or event experience to pace a teammate. This meant running with the teammate to help him qualify for state competition. The sacrifice meant having a full team to go to state competition and an improved time for the teammate, if a slower time in one race for my son. 

Patriotism is loving your team (country) enough to know that sometimes you will be called upon to sacrifice some for the good of the whole. It means wanting everyone to make it to the finish and to the next thing. It means telling the truth about what has to be done, what will work, what doesn’t work, and celebrating together. Both the individual AND the team matter. 

Patriotism wants us all to thrive as a team. Nationalism only wants certain of us on the podium. Don’t get them confused. 

Would I Do?

Palm Sunday

Mark 11:1-11

One of my core memories is of a parishioner who said, "I don't think I would have been as brave as the three in the fiery furnace. I think I would have just bowed to the king. I would have bowed and known in my heart that I still loved God. I admire them, but I can tell the truth that I wouldn't have done it." (Daniel 3)

To me, this man's honesty was just as brave. In front of his fellow Christians, in front of his pastor, he owned up to his own facts: he did not believe he would have had the courage to resist the pressures of the king. He would have rather continued to live, being faithful in secret, than risk dying painfully and prematurely for open obedience to God. 

I can respect that kind of truth-telling. None of us want to be weighed in the balance and found wanting. For some of us, that's our greatest fear. The truth is, however, that I suspect most of us are not as brave as we think we are. The right side of history seems clear when we have a viewpoint from years into the future, but it can be harder to discern when we are in the middle of things and decisions have to be made. 

Speaking for myself, I want to believe I would have encouraged my spouse to side with Martin Luther and embrace scripture in the vernacular. I hope I would have been willing to stand with Quakers in the early colonial days, resisting the concept of chattel slavery among people who claimed to be pursuing their own freedom. 

Would I have walked with other suffragettes, trying to get votes for women? I hope I would have been there, mentioning how we needed to be sure women of color should be able to vote too. Would I have been part of a Resistance, hiding Jews in an attic or basement or in a barn? Would I have been willing to travel to register black Americans to vote? 

Or in any of these cases, would I have been more likely to seek safety, to argue for waiting or more time, would I have looked to my own oppressions, whatever they might have been, and just expected others to fight for themselves, while I criticized their actions? 

Holy Week, the days preceding Easter, brings up the same questions. Would I really have stayed with Jesus? 

I can imagine that if I'd been following him, I would have waved a branch as he rode a young donkey into Jerusalem. Who doesn't like a parade? And he's a good guy, doing kind things for all sorts of people. 

But what about when he upends the temple marketplace, yelling at vendors and causing chaos? Would I have been on his side then? Or would I have suggested that he should have been following the rules? 

How about when the chief priests and elders question him and he refuses to play their game? Would I have cheered him on? Or would I have said he should just cooperate and not make trouble? 

Would I have been horrified at his treatment by Pilate and the Roman guards or would I have sadly shaken my head, saying it never would have happened if he had just surrendered quietly and told them what they wanted to know. 

Would I have protected myself, like Peter, by denying any relationship with Jesus or would I have been with other women at the foot of the cross? Or maybe I would have just left town, wanting to stay out of any trouble. 

How can we know what we would have done at another time in history? 

One way is to look at what we do now in similar situations. 

What am I doing when I hear about oppression, injustice, or inequity? 

What am I doing when I hear of someone being unjustly accused? 

What am I doing in the face of intentionally divisive words and actions? 

What am I doing to counter false narratives and lies? 

What am I doing to discern and participate in the doing of God's will on earth as in heaven? 

Jesus befriended outcasts, restored folks to community, spoke boldly about the closeness of God, and brought hope to the poor, oppressed, and isolated. To follow him means to be willing to do those same things in my own time. 

All those realities, listed above, have happened in history, just as they are happening today. 

I can know what I would have done then by taking a hard look at what I am doing...

(or not),...

in the same situations,...

right now. 

Still

 “Be still, and know that I am God! 

I am exalted among the nations,

 I am exalted in the earth.” - Psalm 46:10

In discussing this verse with a friend today, it occurs to me how undervalued stillness is in many Christian traditions. In my experience, stillness can be a struggle because people find it difficult to quiet their minds from racing thoughts, pressing needs, and clamoring desires. The inability to be still or have a quiet mind then becomes a source of shame or guilt, instead of its own reflection point. 

In the Lutheran tradition, we value the tension that plays between positive and negative construction. This is most clearly evident in our interpretation of the 10 Commandments. While the written word is in the negative construction, "do not do this", the interpretation includes a positive construction, "Instead, do this".

Is there a way to put both positive and negative construction on stillness? 

Positive: Being still will help me draw closer to God. 

Negative: Being still will help me recognize the things that are not God. 

In that second construction, it is easier to realize stillness will help us reject the things that are not God. 

My to-do list- not God. 

My negative self-talk- not God

My stresses about things I cannot control- not God

My guilt over things done and left undone- not God

My frustrations with others- not God

As each of these things appears in my mind, I have the chance to acknowledge them and to note that they are not God. They do not get the space or the honor that I have chosen to give to my Creator. If they want time, they have to wait. They are not God. 

In acknowledging what is not God, we have the opportunity to sink into stillness and be present to God's presence in and around us. If God is neither all those things, nor in them, where is God? How is God speaking to us? How does stillness lead us more deeply into God's truth? 

In the days ahead, there are likely to be many things that wish to assert their dominance in our minds and lives. Be still for a moment. Do they bring life? Do they offer wholeness? Do they contain hope and true justice? If not, they are not God. Let them go. 

Continue in stillness that you may better recognize what is not God and embrace the One who is. 

A Fable for Your Consideration

A fable is a short story or piece of writing meant to convey a moral lesson.

The Tiger


Once there was a tiger. This tiger had always lived in the forest. The tiger roamed, preyed on smaller animals, and generally did tiger things. While no animals attempted to befriend the tiger, most also were not unduly scared of him.

One day, the tiger declared war on the field mice. Roaring through the forest, the tiger declared that field mice should return to the fields. They did not belong in a space populated with trees, said the tiger, they must go back where they came from.

It did not seem to matter that there were field mice born in tree trunks and in old nurse logs. The tiger had spoken. Other predators in the forest agreed that the field mice should go. They bring disease, some animals noted, truthfully, forgetting how many other animals transmitted illness from one to another. They eat food that should be ours, said the smaller critters. The foxes didn't want to contradict the tiger, but they did need the mice for their diets. They began to eye the birds' nests. Some animals, like the deer, didn't necessarily want to get rid of the mice, but they didn't want to be in the fight, so they said nothing.

The tiger patrolled the edges of the forest and the mice who could fled. Those who couldn't get out for one reason or another burrowed in more deeply, now more terrified and vulnerable than ever.

After the mice were banned, the tiger demanded that rabbits and weasels must go. They are too small, roared the tiger, and small means inconseqential! The tiger presided over the forced evacuation of the rabbits and the weasels. Some of the other predators became concerned because now there was very little food for them in the forest itself. The tiger's roar, however, was terrifying and no one dared to point out the flaws in the plan or maybe that mistakes had been made.

One morning, all the deer fled. They ran through several fields to a different wood, removing themselves from the tiger's reign.

All that remained in the tiger's forest were the tiger and other predators. Things became tense in the forest. Many animals, especially the scavengers, had to travel far each day to collect food and then bring it home to their dens and their children. The wolves and the bears were particularly exhausted as the constant hunt prevented them from storing their winter fat.

The tiger killed all the foxes. I wanted a fox fur coat, he said, as he patrolled, draped in the bloody hides. He glared at everyone he passed and the animals ducked their heads and busied themselves with various tasks.

No one dared to cross the tiger.

There were quiet rumors of meetings of dissenters, potential plots to overthrow the tiger or end his reign, some grumblings if one was sure he wasn't there.

But no one stood up to the tiger.

It was hoped that perhaps, with so few animals left, animals that shared much taxonomy with the tiger, perhaps they would be safe.

The badger, with a bellyful of roots, waddled back to his burrow late one evening. Roots and the occasional grub were not as satisfying as a dinner of mice or perhaps a rabbit, but it would do.

Suddenly, the badger found himself flipped over, staring at the sky. The tiger loomed above him, one paw raised high.

"Why?" said the badger, knowing this was the end.

"Because I can," laughed the tiger, slashing the badger's throat. "I didn't spare anyone else. Why would you think I cared about you?"

Moral: When the tiger shows you his stripes, believe that he is a tiger. 

Protected Borders, Ungleaned Corners

When you harvest your land’s produce, you must not harvest all the way to the edge of your field; and don’t gather every remaining bit of your harvest. Leave these items for the poor and the immigrant; I am the Lord your God. - Leviticus 23:22


1. A country has the right to protect its borders. For the purposes of this conversation, this country will refer to the United States of America, a landmass inhabited by native peoples and then colonized by explorers, freedom seekers, economic migrants, and convicts. 

2. Economic migration is provided for through legal systems and applications. Seeking asylum due to persecution or danger is one way around the legal application process, but there remains the need for a paper trail to prove said risk. Police officials and government assistance offices may be in the pocket of or also threatened by the same endangering entities and therefore paperwork may be difficult or impossible to maintain. A system of merciful discernment is needed and must be applied as equally as possible in such cases. 

3. When migrating, there are laws and guidelines requiring refugees to seek asylum in the first "safe third country" that is reached. A safe third country is determined by the ability of the asylum seeker to be able to declare for asylum without fear of being returned to their country of origin and to be able to live reasonably, working with and toward greater self-determination, in that country. Mexico's asylum system remains under development and is not presently able to guarantee genuine asylum to the majority who seek it there. 

4. People who send their children through to the United States are hoping that their children will be able to connect with family members currently residing in here. Similar to the Kindertransport, chidren are being kissed goodbye and sent off with hope for a better life. Often parents know that they may not see their children again. 

"Parents shall not be put to death for their children, nor shall children be put to death for their parents; only for their own crimes may persons be put to death." - Deuteronomy 24:16

Depriving children of genuinely safe and sanitary condition is punishing them for their parents' (perceived or real) crimes. This is specifically against the biblical injunction regarding generational punishments. When it comes to children, one hopes that one's nation will demonstrate its highest ideals and show that we (the nation) have learned from historical mistakes. 

The Kindertransport worked in part because private British citizens put up money for the children and their transportation. If I knew that money I gave would go directly to provisions for a specific child, I'd have auto-debit set up in a heartbeat. As it is, I give through my denominational resource for caring for migrant and refugee children: Lutheran Immigrant and Refugee Services and AMMPARO.

5. It is possible to have a nuanced conversation about the crisis at the American southern border, the internment camp situation for housing children, and enforcing laws while showing mercy all at the same time. This is not the same as saying, "There is wrong doing on both sides." We can definitively acknowledge a present wrong and historical wrongs, while also working to figure out sustainable and life-giving solutions. It is when we take the time and energy to fight about who is more right that the truth is ignored and the actual call to make things better goes unheard. There may not be a quick fix, but there are long-term ways to solve these problems, to work for justice and peace, and to care for our neighbors. 

If any think they are religious, and do not bridle their tongues, but deceive their hearts, their religion is worthles. Religion that is pure and undefiled is before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world. - James 1:26-27

Imagine Something Better

Imagination matters. And we are failing our children when it comes to the fullest use of imagination.

Experiences of play wherein different locales, ways of being, changing movement, and evolving responses are critical to our children's emotional and psychological development. Opportunities for imagination come naturally to most children and if we, as adults, ask questions, encourage, and give healthy shape to such play, we are then shoring up a strong mental and ethical foundation for our children.

Because moral imagination is a real concept and, I would argue, a real thing. Moral imagination, even in play, involves the capactity to wrestle with ethical concepts and frameworks and apply them in new and different settings. In order to be grow into an adult ethic that seeks justice and wholeness, children have to be taught the truth of certain historic events. Girded with historical realities, in all their complexities, children can imagine their reactions, test those responses with adults or in their minds, and then sort out how to choose between options. This skill becomes the moral imagination adults require to be responsive and compassionate citizens of communities.

In recent weeks, I learned of two particular failures to tell the truth that will, if unchecked, compromise the development of moral imagination in the children who interact with these situations.

This screenshot is from Twitter and was a school assignment for upper elementary/middle school students in North Carolina. There was a long conversation between some parents regarding the assignment, mostly centering on parents who believed there was no problem with the assignment and parents who found it appalling.

Initially the assignments seem benign, offering children a variety of opportunities and ways to respond to lessons about the Holocaust. Presumably there is a list of recommended books or resources that accompanies the assignment to help. Additionally, this assignment is asking for some level of imagination. So, what's the problem?

The problem is that such an assignment cannot be fully rooted in having been told the truth about the Holocaust. This is not an assignment that would come after reading The Diary of Anne Frank or Elie Wiesel's Night. A letter from a concentration camp? It's not summer camp. There are no letters. There is survival, and barely that.

Assignments that actually wrestle with honest accounts of the Holocaust would ask children for their own reactions to what they read and heard. They would write letters about their own response to pictures, accounts, film clips, or novels. Students would be presented with the truth and then accompanied in how to emotionally, intellectually, and psychologically process the horror.

Assignments like "write a letter to your parents" or "write a skit" are the imaginative equivalent of skipping rocks across a pond. It takes some skill, but it tells you nothing about the depth of the pond. Additionally, a child who completes this type of assignment to success in the grading parameters for this class will believe themselves to have understood the depth of the assignment. When later confronted with additional information about concentration camps or the Holocaust- such as children were only kept alive for medical experimentation or days were spent in back-breaking labor or in fear for your life or the potential that you survived via the Kindertransport, but you never saw your parents again- when confronted with these realities, a young adult will retreat mentally to the reward of what was previously imagined (that sixth grade skit they wrote) and treat that as the truth.

It is very hard to write over mental scripts, which is why we have to be honest from the beginning.

Which brings me to the second failure: the Roar Vacation Bible School (VBS) from Group Publishing. You can read an excellent reflection on this VBS and its problematic issues here. Long story less long, this is an "Africa"-themed curriculum in which children pretend to be Israelite slaves, Africa is refered to as a "country", and students are asked to add "clicks" to their words to mimic an particular language and dialect.

What's the problem here? (Besides having an all-white creative team at Group Publishing.)

First, Africa is a very large continent with 54 separate countries, most containing a variety of people with differing ethnic identities. Nigeria and South Sudan are two different places with a variety of ways of being. We don't say that Belgium and Italy are the same, so why is conflating African nations acceptable.

Second, slavery is both a historical and contemporary issue. Even if you want to make the (not good) argument that it was/is an economic system (as opposed to a system of oppression), it remains true that enslaving people, particularly implying that people can be owned, is neither just nor good nor a viable economic system. Enslaving people is wrong. Furthermore, enslavement based on race or ethnicity creates generational trauma. We have no idea how long it takes that generational trauma to heal because we haven't stopped doubling down on some of the lies about enslavement in history and in modern times.

Third, the internet is real. If you want to show what a "click" language is like, get thee to YouTube and find a video with a native Xhosa speaker. It takes about thirty seconds unless your internet is slow. Then it takes 45 seconds.



Yes, the enslavement of the Israelites is a biblical reality and Pharoah's treatment of them was particularly harsh. Children can, however, be told the truth and asked to consider what people may have felt or thought without actually being told to reinact enslavement. Similar to some of the Holocaust assignments, pretending to be a slave while being faux-yelled at in a (safe) VBS setting makes a mental imprint on kids that they understand what this experience is like. They don't. Without being told the truth and then guided into processing the horror, they are imprinting a lesson that may never be written over. "I understand what X is like because I had this experience/lesson when I was a kid."

I know what it is like to water a huge garden from a five gallon bucket, refilled repeatedly, in the North Carolina heat. I know what it's like to be yelled at while doing it. I do not know what slavery is like. I can only imagine slavery because I have read accounts and historical information. I have enough understanding to comprehend a horror that I have not experienced and to be able to extrapolate, morally, that I should keep alert to prevent, to the best of my ability, such circumstances in the future. Prevention is not because I'm a savior of people, but because I am moral participant in the universe and enslaving people is not in the arc of justice.

It would be easy to say that this is just one assignment or one VBS experience, but a failure to be honest hobbles the moral imagination for years to come. If I think my imagination suffices for the truth of an experience, rather than someone else's own account of it, then I will never actually extend my ethics beyond myself.

I've been pregnant twice, so I can "imagine" what women who seeks abortion services are feeling/thinking.

I've been broke, so I can "imagine" what people who are without funds experience.

I've been sick, even to the point of being unable to work, so I can "imagine" the implications of various long-term illnesses.

I've been spanked, so I can "imagine" the consequences of long-term physical and mental abuse.

My country has been attacked, so I can "imagine" the impact of growing up and living in a war zone.


I can imagine all day long, but there are truthful accounts of real people who do tell their own stories. Reading or watching their own words, their owning of their experience, strengthens my moral imagination so that I live in an ethical framework that includes other people's truth, not just my imagining of it. And I am trying to raise my children to do this same thing.

Each assignment, each VBS or Sunday School lesson, each car conversation, or library visit matters because they are all blocks in the foundation of who our children are and who they will be. If we want them to be fully functioning, morally imaginative adults- then we have to equip them with the truth, good and bad and ambivalent, of human history. When we tell the truth, and the whole truth, there is no place for lies or fake news to take root.

And then, I imagine, the world becomes a better place.

What Does Conversion Look Like?

In Damascus there was a certain disciple named Ananias. The Lord spoke to him in a vision, “Ananias!”He answered, “Yes, Lord.”The Lord instructed him, “Go to Judas’ house on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul. He is praying. In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias enter and put his hands on him to restore his sight.”Ananias countered, “Lord, I have heard many reports about this man. People say he has done horrible things to your holy people in Jerusalem.  He’s here with authority from the chief priests to arrest everyone who calls on your name.”The Lord replied, “Go! This man is the agent I have chosen to carry my name before Gentiles, kings, and Israelites.  I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.”Ananias went to the house. He placed his hands on Saul and said, “Brother Saul, the Lord sent me—Jesus, who appeared to you on the way as you were coming here. He sent me so that you could see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Instantly, flakes fell from Saul’s eyes and he could see again. He got up and was baptized. After eating, he regained his strength.He stayed with the disciples in Damascus for several days. - Acts 9:10-19 (Common English Bible) 

If your experience of Christianity is anything like mine, then you have likely been taught to think about Saul/Paul as the follower of Jesus with the ultimate conversion story. Even if you've been led to understand that he remained Jewish (in ethnic practices), his faith in Christ and Christ's salvific purposes gave his life a very specific direction following Saul's experience on the road to Damascus (Acts 9). 

I've always accepted this. Over the years, I've thought about this story to discuss the significance of other vocations, since Paul wasn't making his own clothes or planting and tending crops. While he matters for the spread of the gospel, the work of other believers' daily lives also made that evangelism possible. 

Lately, however, I have been rethinking that story. Is Saul's change of heart really the greatest change in Acts 9? Is the Road to Damascus experience really the conversions experience to which all new Christians (or all Christians period) are meant to aspire? 

As I look at the chapter afresh, I am struck by what is required of Ananias. He believes in Jesus, but now Jesus asks him to welcome a man into his home. This man was known to Ananais to be a threat to his family, his friends, and himself. This man has harmed or witnessed the killing of people whom Ananais knew, maybe loved. Prior to Jesus' request, at best Ananais would have crossed to the other side of the market if he saw Saul, if not actually hide away until Saul left town. 

Now, Jesus is expecting something of Ananais for Saul. Ananias does not want to do it. He would like to say no. He tries to explain to Jesus what's happening. Jesus doesn't change his tune. 

So Ananias must experience his own conversion, his own continued growth in faith, a further step in sanctification, a greater yielding to the Holy Spirit. He must prepare to welcome Saul into his home and he's going to have to tell other people that he's doing it. 

It's not like he's going to be able to keep Saul a secret. It seems likely that Ananias has some kind of household. How will they respond to his revelation: "Jesus told me we need to bring that guy we were all just panicking about into the house." 

If conversion represents a change of heart, a change of behavior, a change of attitude, an application of ethics in the midst of stress and strain, then Ananias is the conversion story we should have been paying attention to all along. 

Most Christians, especially life-long Christians, have very little to do with Saul of Tarsus, but we have a lot in common with Ananias. Instead of assuming or expecting a road to Damascus experience, we are called to be on the look out for a stranger in Damascus experience. And we are meant to be the ones to welcome that stranger for Christ's own sake. 

We are meant to open our homes to someone whose life experience is not like ours. 

We are meant to show hospitality to someone whose history is frightening to us. 

We are meant to welcome the one who differs from us greatly and yet whom Christ loves and for whom Christ died. 

I am not saying that we are meant to knowingly endanger ourselves or our families, but we are meant to take some risks for the sake of the gospel. We are meant to be open to people are different. We are meant to have conversion experiences in our life, again and again. These experiences are the ones in which Jesus speaks to us, moves us, compels us to do the thing that surprises us and yet is absolutely necessary for the sake of the world. 

It's what Ananias did. It's his conversion story from which we are meant to learn how to be followers of the Way of Christ. 

To adapt the verse of There is a Balm in Gilead, "If you cannot preach like Peter, if you cannot pray like Paul... Like Ananias, you can show grace to all." 

Wholeheartedly

I've been having a lot of difficult conversations lately. Racism, sexism, classism, privilege, and anti-LGBTQ sentiments are all part of my usual fare. Then I have the occasional conversation with a person who is put off by religion or by religious people, so then I am in heavy listening mode. Good energy in patient listening takes away some of the energy I would put toward careful writing.

All this listening has changed my prayer life. I find now that my most common prayer is "Soften my heart. Soften my neck." I know that a hard heart and a stiff neck, both metaphorical, will interfere with the patience and kindness that I am trying to embody. I actively seek Christ in myself and in the other person by focusing on even my internal organs being gentled by the Savior.

This has caused me to pay attention to how often church people bifurcate their lives. Our bodies are our daily vehicle- the daily throne of God and inhabitance of Christ, driven by the Spirit. The experience of church, Bible study, the sacraments, and mutual building up for discipleship that happens in the fellowship of other Christians is a kind of fueling up for the rest of our time. It is not the only time we drive the car.

When I talk about living and dying for Christ, remembering that there is only one God, or yielding to pull of the Holy Spirit, I mean doing it in the grocery store, at the mailbox, in the bank drive-thru, and at the dog park. I mean that because I trust that Jesus means that when he explains discipleship to the apostles and all those gathered around him. A faithful life is a whole life. A whole life means every minute of every day. In order to live all our minutes faithfully, we may need to change how we pray, how we talk, and how we listen.

So, brothers and sisters, because of God’s mercies, I encourage you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice that is holy and pleasing to God. This is your appropriate priestly service. Romans 12:1

There is not a part of the day when a Christian is not in Christ. There is no place that we can go that is outside of God's view or the Spirit's urging. There is no time that we are "off duty" and can make choices that have nothing to do with the faith we have been given. As much as Western Christians like to think of their faith as private and personal, being a person of Christ recreates your entire self, reorienting your understanding to comprehend that all that you have, all that you are, and all that is belongs to God.

Being a follower of Christ is our reality. It impacts our every decision. If we are not thinking about or considering that fact, it is not that it doesn't have an impact, it is that we are ignoring it. The non-religious people I meet who are grieved by or frustrated with Christians notice this the most. The actions of those who claim to follow Christ surprise them most because their Monday-Saturday actions don't match their Sunday words.

If you see yourself in this, I encourage you to adopt the prayer of "Soften my heart". Perhaps you need to be in my conversation schedule. We are compelled, by Christ's love for us, to witness to his love, call to turn around (repentance), and show his mercy in all we say and do, every day, in every place, with all people.

Five More Minutes

Believe me when I tell you that I know what five minutes feels like. Five minutes is the difference between picking my kids up in daylight and picking them up in dim twilight. Five minutes in the difference between seeing the sun before I go into work and only seeing it when I go out to get the mail.

Alaska has been gaining daylight- oh, so slowly- since December 22. At that time, in Anchorage, the sunrise was at 10:15 am and the sunset was at 3:43 pm. Now, though, is when we begin to feel the light gain. What was a gasp of additional seconds of light is now a gulping five minutes of additional light. And it is AMAZING!

In my first years in Alaska, I lived in Nome. We used to have "sunrise" Advent services... at 11:15 am. The sun was gone, gone, gone by 3:30 pm. It became nearly unbearable and then... like the Beatles say, "Here Comes the Sun".

Even when you are used to the dark, it is still frustrating to never see much light. The lukewarm light of noon on a cloudy day when pitch darkness will be back in 3 hours is not only not comforting, it's practically insulting.

Many Alaskans who can go Outside (leave Alaska) for some sunshine, somewhere, anywhere. Most of us know that we need more Vitamin D and we take capsules, mix powers, and use special lamps. Our recent horrible winters (much ice, little snow) have made it more difficult for those of us who are casual winter athletes to get outside. Ice-slick ski paths and slippery playgrounds mean it is nearly impossible just to go for a short, casual walk or run to the swings and slide.

So, ice bound darkness (which may be what you always thought Alaska was) is frustrating for many. Additionally, the ice does not reflect the limited light in the same way that snow does. Reflected moonlight, headlights, and flashlights off snow make driving, walking, and playing easier. The ice seems to absorb the light and makes the dark even darker.

So, back to five minutes, we're gaining seconds more of daylight each day. By March 1st, we will be over ten hours of daylight and gaining not quite six minutes a day. This is the time of year when the light increase really makes a difference.

I'm sure there's a spiritual metaphor in here somewhere- five minutes of Christ-light (through you) can make a huge difference in someone's day- in its overall brightness and bearability.

I won't belabor that point, because I need to go out and enjoy today's extra five minutes. It's five more minutes of easier driving, of Vitamin D, of seeing the sun on the faces of my children, of remembering that winter is not forever. 

Competition and Sanctification

I am starting a relationship with a new spiritual director (SD). I'm very excited.

In our first conversation, I mentioned some of the areas in which I think I need to work. Her direction is inspired by the Holy Spirit and rooted in the Enneagram. I mentioned my Enneagram type to her in this first chat and then discussed some of the things on which I want to reflect and dig deeper spiritually.

Important facts:

1. My Enneagram type is very competitive (3). That sense of competition can have an inward or outward focus.

2. I don't like to do things that I think I should OR that I enjoy if I am not as good at them as I think I should be.


So, I was talking to SD about my struggle with spiritual disciplines. She immediately commented, "It seems like you're very competitive- especially with yourself."

I replied, "Yes. If you ask me, though, I will tell you that I'm not competitive. I'm especially less competitive than you!"

We laughed, but I've reflected on that deeply in the past week.

I do compare myself to others, but I've learned to be gentle in those comparisons and to seriously reflect on my own achievements and location as a child of God. Yet, I still struggle with being further behind than I think I should be in a variety of areas.

In my mind, sanctification is God's embrace of us as we are and push/pull through the Spirit to bring us into a new fullness (read:better state) of being.

I struggle with sanctification. I've just realized that. I want to be further along than I am, so I paradoxically regress out of shame.

In that, I am refusing grace. I am scurrying on my little wheel and angry that I'm not in the next room. I wrestle with God's pace for me, because I [apparently] know myself better.



woof.


I'm going to need to sit with this for a while.

Learning to Walk

You can tell by this picture that I don't walk with perfect form. In fact, I have a tendency, decades old, to walk on the outside edges of my feet, with my toes pointed out at about a 45-degree angle from body. The tread wear on the upper part of the shoe, near the ball of my feet, shows the times I have made a concerted effort to point my toes straight forward and to walk on the base of my foot. Clearly, I've occasionally done a little overcorrecting. I believe this is the beginning of my third winter with these boots. Worn spots are a slip hazard, but these are expensive shoes and there's so much good tread left. The most likely scenario is that I will keep using these boots this winter, trying to be conscious of how I'm walking and being extra cautious when I'm in a slippery situation. I might even buy ice grippers for the boots- which will give extra tread in the spots that I have worn it off. 

My years of walking with extreme turnout have actually hurt me. I do special stretches to move the muscles of my thighs. These muscles, running around my femur, have adapted to my way of walking, but are now no longer aligned and shaped correctly for my body or my activities. I lay on the floor with my legs flat and then bend one knee, pressing it down and in, so that my legs make a K shape. The stretch feels great. For a while, I will walk "normally", but then I forget and I penguin-walk with my dog or my kids or around the grocery store, only remembering when I pay attention to my tread, my steps, my motion. 

It's hard to break this habit, even though I know it's hurting me and it's causing a premature death of my shoes- all my shoes. I've been walking this way for more than 30 years. It's tough to change. 

I'm telling you this because when you tell me that you have a difficult time praying or reading the Bible or getting to church or attending an adult education class or losing weight... I want you to know that I understand. I understand more than you think I do. I want to walk with you in this. I can and I will. I just need you to remind me, every now and then, to point my toes forward. 

Reflection

Water in a stainless steel cup

Lent Photo a Day word: reflection

In many minds, Lent is associated with austerity- a kind of uber-asceticism.

It might actually be more about simplicity, about coming to understand and trust in only what is essential. 

Returning the ground of our being isn't about pain. It's about the best, most life-giving homecoming. 

Virtue

Iona, 2005

The Lent photo-a-day word is virtue.

Thinking of the seven virtues, (chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness and humility), brings to mind this quote from Wuthering Heights:

Catherine says to Nellie: "...My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary…"

Virtues, like Catherine's love for Heathcliff, do not bring joy in themselves. It is by having them that we bring joy to others. We do not pursue them for their own sake, but because having the Spirit bring them to bear within us brings us closer to a glimpse of God's kingdom at hand. 

They are a foundation, but should never be mistaken for architecture in their own right. 

Perspective: One Month

As months go, this is probably one of the most charged of my life. I began a new exercise regimen, had a powerful experience with Reiki, read several great books, and felt more like myself than I have in at least 2 years.

And somehow I managed to write something every day.

Writing is actually a tremendously demanding task. I have a fairly writing intensive job, so summoning the energy to write creatively, powerfully, and succinctly here is tough.

In order to push past my perfectionism, I didn't do any very profound writing this month in my weekly posts. (If you disagree, I appreciate your view!)

I did not comment on the proposed legislation in Arizona. I didn't write much, other than one sermon, on the Michael Dunn trial verdict and the condition of race relations in America.

I didn't do a review of Angry Conversations with God, which was an amazing read. I will get to that at some point.

Nevertheless, I did write every day. I did think it through. That, in addition to exercising every day since 3 February, is its own accomplishment.

I am proud of myself.

And I'm grateful to be here.