Abide With Me

This prayer was originally written for and posted on revgalblogpals.org on Friday, 18 January 2019.


Holy Breath of Life-

There is a fine edge in my world.

The space before the ledge is the area wherein I acknowledge the idols in my life,

Attempts and desire for control,

Tasks that busy my day and prevent rest and stillness,

Issues that I have made my own without consulting You,

Frustrations and hurts that I feed as though they would produce nourishing fruit.

The small border of the larger space, the tiny strip, just before the very edge…

This is the space where I admit, oh so quietly, that my life has become unmanageable.

This is the space where Your air gives me enough strength in my own mouth to shape the words- I am not doing as well as I pretend to be.

I have taken up residence, now, in this tiny borderland- the territory between denial and what seems like it might be a freefall, but is more likely a float in the everlasting arms.

I am not thinking of causing myself pain, but instead wanting to dwell in a tent of honesty and hope.

Abide with me here. Send ravens with food.

Save me from times of trial.

Hear my prayer.

Amen.

Revelation Read-Along: Day 13

Reading: Revelation 11:1-14

Advent Theme: Witness

I grew up in a Christian denomination that was focused on the conversion experience. The re-orientation of one’s heart toward Christ was the perceived moment of salvation. I serve, as a pastor, in a denomination that teaches that salvation is complete through God’s own work and that our responsiveness to that work is the life of faith. The “moment of decision” happens every day, multiple times, when we make the choices that indicate a life lived in imitation of Christ, serving others and the world that God made.

That being said, Western Christianity has shifted in the past centuries to make faith an intellectual pursuit, an issue of correct thinking and understanding. If there is anything that John the Revelator is trying to make clear, it is that the life of faith is not about mental comprehension, but about physical and spiritual witness to the Lamb (Christ) and against the beast (Rome).

Those whose words and deeds bear witness to Christ’s power and might may be martyred. They may die an ignominious death at the hands of rebellious and oppressive people, who are angry, envious, or simply depraved. Be that as it may, the ones who believe cannot allow their witness to falter.

As the imagery becomes complicated, pull back from the details. Look at the whole forest, not the individual trees. John has planted a grove of images that are meant to bear the fruit of faithful behavior in Christian community- mutual love, care for the outcasts, and worship of the one true God. Do you feel like you already read these points before? You did. Apocalyptic texts are repetitive because they are trying to send a clear message. John does not deviate from the form.

Potential takeaways: Even when things are confusing or busy, faithful living happens in all of our daily choices. What would Jesus have me do- in the store, at work, with my family, relaxing, or as a citizen? We all have work to do for God’s kingdom. Are we doing it? 

Dear God, what is the work that You would have me do? Guide me in stillness, that I may perceive Your voice, understand Your directions, and work toward Your perfect will. Amen. 

A Not-Exactly Imprecatory Psalm

This prayer was originally posted as the Friday Prayer on 9/28/18 on revgalblogpals.org. Since I am feeling the same sentiment today, I am posting it here. If you share it, I encourage you to click the Friday Prayer link above and share from my original post. 

Look.

I try not to treat You like a divine vending machine- prayer in, need out... 

But in the present situation, that awareness means my prayers are more along the lines:

“FFFFF#$)*#0&&#$(&(*^&(#^&^$()*@&#)(*@&&@!#(*&!!!!!”

That’s me releasing a fraction of my deep feelings into the deep and wide well that is the Holy Repository for Grief and Frustration.

Between You and me, though, that’s not cutting it right now on the human end.

I guess I’m saying I want a little less talk and a lot more action.

(Of course, You’re probably saying the same thing to me.)

Noted.

Maybe Your vastness is the problem. Maybe if You had a hard limit, this would be easier because shifting our rage and impotence and pain and hurt would eventually fill Your repository and then maybe there would be something, somewhere, somehow that would seem like the justice that I believe can only come from You.

I thought about asking for intercessions from Hagar, Bilhah, Zilpah, and Bathsheba, but then the Holy Spirit reminded me that a modern white woman should not be seeking assistance from brown and black women of the past or the present. That equation has been imbalanced for too long.

So, I’m here- seeking the Source of All Things- wondering, in the midst of this fresh (and so very old) hell, when do we receive fresh heaven?

When will there be a sense of heaven coming down to earth?

When will all things be made new?

Because this present reality of nothing new under the sun is crushing us- our spirits, our wills, our hopes.

And when we cry out to You and only hear the echo of our own voices…

It hurts.

The echo mocks us, twisting the sounds of our voices and sounding like laughter from the forces that oppose you. (We renounce them!)

Taking for granted the underlying nature of the Divine Character, I am trusting that there is wholeness and rest for the Levite’s Concubine. That You know her name. That she is still being consoled.

But I bet she’d have liked not to have had such a shitty experience. Period.

Eternal consolation may not be enough for painful, physical humiliation and death- plus any moments of feeling abandoned by You.

Before this floats into the abyss of all prayers, I hope You receive this.

And, mercifully and speedily, answer me.

Amen.

Unthinkable, But Required

I am a pastor of a small church- a church full of people whom I love and whom I greatly trust that God loves. On Sunday mornings, there may be any number of children and older people, this includes my own children and some of their best friends. 

I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I would do if someone came in and began shooting.

I've analyzed what I could throw, how quickly I could get to any part of the sanctuary, and how much time I could buy for others by engaging with a shooter- hoping that my death through that engagement would buy others time to attack unseen, hide children, or escape. 

I move my cell phone around in the sanctuary- to be within my arm's reach- so that my last act prior to engagement would be to call 911. I worry about if I don't have time to do this and I may not, but it's part of my mental plan. 

I am a gun owner. I'm an okay shot, better than okay at close range. My husband has asked me, on more than one occasion, to keep a gun with me at church. 

Where? 

In the pulpit next to the Bible? 

In my pocket?

In a shoulder holster, under my diaphanous robe? 

In my purse, carrying said purse with me everywhere like Queen Elizabeth? 

I can't bear this. I cannot bear the thought yielding to my fears. There is making a plan and then there is introducing another problem into the situation. 

My need to have this plan and think these thoughts is not because God "isn't allowed in schools" or because of the use of psychological drugs or even because we have culturally determined that child sacrifice is preferable to some restrictions on gun ownership. 

The need to have this plan is because we have chosen as a culture to make guns our idol of choice. Believing their false promises of safety and self-determination, we have put them on a pedestal and worship them at the altar of unrestricted access and personal freedom. Our call to community living as a nation, cities, and smaller groups has been sublimated to believing that we are entitled to having what we want, when we want it and to extracting revenge and never dwelling for long in feelings of discomfort or pain. 

This is the direct result of patriarchy, white supremacy, and rape culture.

Let me be VERY CLEAR that I am not saying that everyone who owns guns rapes or is a white supremacist. 

I am, however, saying that we (almost all of us) have contributed to a culture where many people, especially white, cis-gendered, heterosexual men, have been socialized to an unhealthy level of entitlement regarding other people's bodies, property, and opportunities. And, through our gun idolatry, they see a cultural worship of tools that allow them to respond with deadly force when they do not get what they have been taught and believe they "deserve". 

This is a complex issue, but it isn't actually that complicated and it's not impossible to improve. 

But we have to want to. All of us have to want to. 

And until that happens, I will be preaching with a phone nearby, thinking about how far I can throw the large rock that sits on the altar, and praying that most of the congregation will be saved, even if I am not. 

How's that for your thoughts and prayers?

There Will Always Be Monsters



Octopus made from rescued trash from the ocean,
Sea Life Center, Seward, Alaska

I have come to realize that there will always be monsters.
 
The pain and surreal nature of the unexpected cancer diagnosis,

The incomplete healing from a surgical solution,

The seemingly perfect call that ends with spears in the most tender places,

The omnipresence of the dis-ease of addiction,

The posturing and threats of those in power, with little to no thought of those who are watching, waiting, and worried about their decisions.

Until the physical return of Christ,

Until the zenith of sanctification,

Until the completion of the fullness of resurrection…

There will be monsters.

However,

They have not earned a share of my heart space.

They get no more air than what it takes to utter that I turn them over to God.

They are not granted permission to live in the spaces where joy dwells and hope presides.

There may be monsters, but I will not sing their song.

And they do not get to plant their flags in my heart.



Original post at revgalblogpals.org as Friday Prayer on 1/19/18.

Praying with Beads: Political Edition

 

Some people need tangible items to help them focusing while they pray. This is NOT a flaw in one's prayer skill. Coloring, writing, yarn or needlework, wood work, gardening, fishing, or other tasks may also help to clear the mind of distractions and allow one to focus on communication (sending AND receiving) with the Divine.

If you are able, I would suggest a set of beads. Most Roman Catholic rosaries are set up in decades (sets of 10 beads). Most Anglican rosaries are set up in weeks (sets of seven beads). You can have a set of beads in one of the combinations or in another combination. Whatever you have is sufficient.

I am not calling this series "Praying the Rosary" because for many, many people that term refers to a very specific type of religious prayer. I do not want to invite confusion or create division. The hope of this series of posts to create some wording for people who are looking for specific prayers to say and to give a jumping off platform within prayer for those who are seeking that. I am providing wording, but not instruction. One cannot pray incorrectly, because the Holy Spirit does the heavy lifting.

There are 10 petitions here: You may skip some or add your own if your set of beads is not in multiples of 10.


First Bead: Holy God, you are the Ruler of the Universe. You grieved the call of your people for a king in history and you see where today people still seek structure that you would not own. Help me and all people to be humbled by perceiving your will and your way, in our daily lives for the good of creation and our neighbors.

Second Bead: Holy God, I give you thanks for the people who set a good example in faith and life. Even as I acknowledge their sacrifices and courage, I know that they are not perfect and that there are others who see them differently than I do. I thank you for [insert names here of leaders- secular and religious for whom you are thankful].

Third Bead: Holy God, there is nothing hid from you. I am frustrated by [insert names of leaders- secular and religious with whom you disagree or are aggrieved]. I struggle to see her/him/them as your child/children. I do not understand why they do what they do. I cannot attribute the best motivations to them. I commend your children to you.

Fourth Bead: Holy God, I pray that you will accept my intercession on behalf of my neighborhood, my city, my state, my country, and the world. The immensity of pain, struggle, injustice, inequity, poor stewardship, waste, and prejudice is too much for a world that actually depends on the balance that is within you. With the Holy Spirit, I pray against all things that oppose your will for healing, wholeness, and resurrection.

Fifth Bead: Holy God, I pray that you will accept my intercession for those who have made and are in the midst of choices that oppose your will. Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do. The extent of our actions are beyond our human minds to consider and they do not turn to you or wait with patience so that understanding and wisdom may settle in their hearts and minds.

Sixth Bead: Holy God, I pray that you will accept my intercession for your church and your faithful people. Strengthen us for humility and courage in our walk of the Way of Christ. Give us the words to speak truth to power. Give us the patience to tear down walls. Give us the joy to offer welcome to all people.

Seventh Bead: Holy God, I pray that you will accept my intercession for my pastor/priest, my bishop/judicatory leader, other leaders of the church, my mayor, my City Assembly/Council/Town leaders, my governor, my state representatives and senators, my national representatives and senators, and the president of my country. (Use names where you can) I ask for your mercy, grace, and guidance to be with them in their work and in their homes.

Eighth Bead: I believe, Lord, forgive my unbelief. (breathe) I believe, Lord, forgive my unbelief. (breathe) I believe, Lord, forgive my unbelief. (breathe) I believe, Lord, forgive my unbelief. (breathe) I believe, Lord, forgive my unbelief. (breathe) I believe, Lord, forgive my unbelief. (breathe) I believe, Lord, forgive my unbelief. (breathe) I believe, Lord, forgive my unbelief. (breathe) I believe, Lord, forgive my unbelief. (breathe)

Ninth Bead: [Insert names of saints- recognized by the church or history], in your rest in God's lights, pray for us who continue to work in the world. Whisper, shout, and call to us from the great cloud of witnesses that we might perceive in our bones that we are accompanied in this fight. [This event] in your life/lives is something that I hold as an example of faithful action, following in the steps of Jesus, the pioneer of our faith. Pray for me. Pray for us. Do not stop.

Tenth Bead: Holy God, you know all for which I pray. What is said aloud. What is silent. What I think is hidden, but is still known to you. What I have forgotten, but will always be known to you. I trust in your faithfulness. I trust in your faithfulness. Great is your faithfulness. Hear my prayers. Amen.