A Better Way

A friend recently expressed frustration that empowering people to take ownership and leadership takes a lot more time than doing something one's self. This is true... in the short term. In the long term, empowerment is the more efficient means of reaching a given destination because empowerment involves honest recognition of one's own limitations, the skills of others, the need for community and relationship, and the reality of having a few more eyes on an issue. 

As a person who often makes an idol of efficiency, I confess that I have sometimes let empowerment fall by the wayside. This is not because I lack the skills to empower others, but because I haven't taken the time to offer the opportunity or been willing to let something flounder when others didn't step forward. I have come to realize, through time and experience, that enabling is not actually an efficient path to any destination other than the Land of Resentment, Burnout Island, or Frustration Station. 

In the church, as with many other organizations, good leadership does not mean that one or two or even a small committee handle the majority of the work. Instead, good stewardship of the resources of people, locations, time, and money means sharing duties between those who have the necessary skills, those who could learn them, and those who would like to assist, but not be in charge. 

Lay leaders, as well as clergy, can be guilty of taking the enabling path by way of control (doing it alone resentfully or instructing how it should be done). They may also grow tired of doing a thing, but not let go of it- lest it be changed or "done wrong". Some may make a choice, certain that their way is correct and that change is good, and lead off- only to find that no one has followed. Others may distribute activities, chores, or roles without considering the skills, abilities, and desires of the ones whom they are pressuring as recruits. 

Empowering involves a certain level of vulnerability- a willingness to be honest with one's yes and one's no, the effort to ask for help or explanation, the patience to listen reflectively and with self-control, and a level of discernment via the Holy Spirit. None of these things are outside of the grasp of anyone in the church. Often we tolerate bad behavior because that's just "the way someone is" or because we don't like confrontation. Both of those options seem efficient, but are the way of enabling. 

The fruits of the spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control- all contain an element of honesty within them. When we embrace and are embraced by this honesty, then we can become communities of empowerment, not enabling. And empowerment seems like the most efficient way to help one another live the baptized life of imitating Christ to which we have been called. 

Eat My Words (Respect #2)

So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits. How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! ...  With [the tongue] we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God.  From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so.  Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and brackish water?  - James 3:5, 9-11

It burned... the thing I wanted to say. I could feel the words in my mouth and in my throat. They were explosive. I wanted to say them sharply so they would hurt, wound. I felt hurt and wounded and I wanted to do it back. 

I screwed up my lips, grimacing. 

How could I not say these words? It was actually fairly important in this small, intimate meeting to control what I was saying, to be attentive to my emotions, and to let kindness and honesty reign over my impulsive reptilian brain. 

In a move that I have never done before, I scribbled the words I wanted to say on the corner of the piece of paper. Then I tore off that corner, crumpled it, and put it in my mouth. The other two people in the meeting stared. 

One asked, "How did that taste?"

"Like eating my feelings," I mumbled around the dry paper that I was trying to coat with spit. 

"Why did you do that?" asked the other. 

"Because I needed to get it out," I said. "I wanted it out, but I didn't want it to hurt anyone else. So I got it out and then I put it back in and now it can come out another way." 

I was still rolling the small ball in my mouth, moistening it. Finally, I swallowed it. 

About four minutes later, I realized that I couldn't remember what I had written down unless I forced myself to think of it. 

The thing that I had burned to say, that I was itching to say, that I desperately wanted to use to carve a groove, a scar in the other person... was forgotten when I literally swallowed it. If I force myself to remember the words, I remember why I was hurt and why I wanted to say them. But they weren't as important as trying to keep working with the people in that room. The brief thrill of oneupmanship  that would have been achieved would have created so much more pain in the long run. 

It was a dramatic move, but it actually taught me something that I didn't expect to learn. 

Sometimes we live to eat our words, regretting our haste. 

If we can learn to eat them first (before we say them), we can live.

Women's March- Anchorage

It took me longer than I'd like to admit to agree to go to the Women's March in Anchorage. Mostly it was because I don't like crowds and I get very anxious thinking about large groups of people milling about, even with purpose. The conversations about intersectionality, who was and wasn't included, and the vastness of the purpose also made me waffle.

In the end, though, I felt that I couldn't not go. To quote Hamilton, "If you've got skin in the game, you stay in the game." Not only is my skin in this game, but also the skin of my children, my friends, my colleagues, my neighbors, my parishioners, my antagonists, and the rest of creation. If I want to make an argument for seeing others and including others and change, I have to be where the conversation is happening. 

So I started making protest hats and praying. For the first time in my life this week, I thought about getting up early to pray more than I thought I would have time to do during the day. I actually told several people that I wanted Hermione Granger's time turner, so that I could have more time to pray.

I did not carry a sign today, though I did wear my collar. In a crowd situation, I am all pastor all the time- constantly looking around and assessing what's happening. I helped up several people who fell down. Gave and received hugs. Chatted with my friends. Tried to start a sing-a-long. Waded through the snow that did not stop. 

The march was powerful and enthusiastic. May the work that follows continue to be so. 

I made 11 "pussy" hats (all but one in pink) that were at marches today.
Seven were at #womensmarchanchorage and three were at #womensmarchwashington.
One stayed home. :) 

On our way to the Delany Park Strip in Anchorage.
It had snowed about 11 inches overnight and nothing had been plowed. 

People gathering in the cold.
I don't like crowds and I had felt very anxious the night before.
However, the atmosphere was very positive and enthusiastic. 

There were many signs for reproductive rights,
including lots that talked about uteruses (even though not all women have uteri).
Nevertheless, access to healthcare (of all types) and reproductive rights remain a significant issue. 

The signs were great and there were all kinds. 

There were kids of all ages. And lots of dogs. 

Snow on snow on snow, but it did not feel like the bleak midwinter.

My favorite sign of all- it summed up lots of what I think regarding women,
feminism, LGBTQ rights, and intersectionality. We are more than vaginal vessels
or vessels defined by the absence thereof.

#WomensMarchAnchorage is estimated somewhere between 2000 and 3000 marchers.
The line of marchers was well over half a mile long before we started walking and then it stretched out far behind us. 

We shall overcome... snow and tyranny.

This little light of mine... I'll gonna let it shine AND warm me. 

I will never forget this picture as long as I live.
It takes deep faith and desire to come out and march with a walker on unpaved streets,
at 13 degrees (F), in a huge crowd.
You have to want to be there. And she did. 

Signs at the march finish line/ work start line (depending on your view of it). 

Yep. 

Solidarity. 

Star Word 2016: Respect (1)

It's late, which means writing a post is probably a bad idea since this is neither a confessional nor a diary. Nevertheless, I'm typing away. On Sunday, we (the congregation I serve and me) drew our star words- adjectives and adverbs that might give shape to our year in one way or another.

Since drawing my word, I've wrestled win it. I will unspool some of that wresting here and some will be between me and the Holy Spirit.

My word is "respect".

Of all the things I might struggle to respect- close to the top of the list is the President- Elect. However, I have always been respectful of the office of the President. It makes me sad and frustrated when people refuse to call a president by name, using epithets or euphemisms. I have been driven to deep grief by how people have treated and spoken about President Obama.

I said many things about Mr. Trump when he was a candidate. Most weren't kind and I did mean them. However, I have skin in the game of the American Experiment and I respect certain offices, though I disdain racism, sexism, anti- LGBTQ actions, idolatry of the free market, and abuses of power. In a little over a week, the prayers of the people will change to be "We pray for our president, Donald, our governor Bill, our Senators Dan and Lisa... "

I have been praying for how I can pray with deep intention and respect for the President-Elect and how I can respond with courage and power to the real concerns and fears of many people, including myself.

I can respect that people see things differently than I do. I can respect that I could be wrong. I can respect certain roles and titles and traditions.

However, I will not ask for Divine Help to respect taunting, intentional disruption livelihoods, petty behavior, jealousy, treason, deliberate ignorance, pandering, or pouting. Someone once told me that I preached tolerance, which told me that they don't listen to me. I never use that word. I might accept certain things that the next person doesn't accept, but if I don't think it's okay- I don't tolerate it.

I will continue to respect the office of the president. I will pray for President-Elect Trump in his transition and in office. However, I am still the very very very politically minded girl I've been all my life and, as I always have had with every president, there are a few things that I will not tolerate.