Faith, Grace, and Hope

Cross-posted at (and originally written for) RevGalBlogPals.org . My darling nephew, Your uncle is terribly busy these days, but your auntie thought she would take a moment to write to her favorite nephew. I hope that you’re doing well and that you’re keeping warm. A chill will give you a devil of a cold. (Haha, I hope you’ll forgive the little pun.) There’s so much happening amongst the humans these days that it’s almost a demon’s playground. I am certain that your dear Uncle Screwtape has given you much guidance about how to proceed with your important work of opposition. Your uncle advises that the One who is against us wants the humans (our patients) to be aware of what they can do and the heights of their capabilities. Our work, darling Wormwood, remains to keep at the forefront of their mind ideas of what can happen to them and fear of those things. This season is absolutely delicious fodder for that. With every reminder of that wretched story of the Boy and h...

Prompt:  What is the hardest part of a big project: getting the energy to begin, finding the time to work on it, or feeling down that it's over? I can never get started.  It's not because I like putting things off. It is actually because of my fear of failing. As long as I haven't started, the project is not a failure.  I started to write "perfect", but I don't actually expect perfection of myself. That's not attainable. I do, however, have a standard for myself that probably looks like perfection to some people. I tend to operate with the personal expectation of a high level of  competency, creativity, and clarity. I feel it very deeply when I fail on one of those.  Thus, it is often easier not to start something because I can't flop on what I don't leap for.  What a horrible sentence .  It is the time of year when all my spare thoughts are about my Christmas Eve sermon. What can I say to communicate the power, mystery, and deep love ...

This is an edited repost from here . The Lord is my mechanic, I’m satisfied by his work.       She keeps me tuned and running smoothly. He leads me to open roads,      She grants me peace in congestion.  God’s mercy and grace toward me reflect well on her reputation.  Even when I need serious maintenance,      I know the cost has been covered; for you are with me;             your torque wrench and your lift platform— they comfort me. You bang out my dents and mend my scratches, In front of those who treat me with disdain. You keep my fluids filled,          My belts are tightened. Certainly safety and stability will pursue me on all of my expeditions,  And I shall ride in the chariot of the Lord forever.

Prompt:  Take the first sentence from your favorite book and make it the first sentence of your post. This would require choosing a favorite book. I can't even begin to do that.  I have books that I've read so often that I know their terrain like a favorite hiking path: A Prayer for Owen Meany , A Walk in the Woods , Bet Me , Outlander , A Tree Grows in Brooklyn , Confederates in the Attic .  I have books that are so gaspingly wonderful and provoking that I've only read them once or twice, but I will do it again- when I can breathe again from the first time: God's Hotel , The Secret Chord , The Hour I First Believed , Smoke Gets in Your Eyes , Dear Leader, Religion for Atheists .  There are books that I've read repeatedly because of my occupation and their call to me: Jonah, Mark, Ruth, Judges, Revelation, Romans.  There are the books that I won't read again, but I recommend so highly: Five Days at Memorial , An Unquencha...

The other day I encouraged people to blog about a secret obsession or, at least, an unexpected one. Mine is my love affair of the heart with the Marquis de Lafayette . I read all I can about him. (Yes, I know about Sarah Vowell's new book .)  My Lafayette love led me to follow through on learning more about the serious popularity of the new musical, Hamilton . Yes, it is a musical about Alexander Hamilton .  And it is amazing. (Not only because Lafayette does French-accented rapping!) The musical touches on what it means to be an immigrant, an orphan, a spouse, a parent, a "Founding Father". The musical styles are all over the place, but amazing in their variance and scope.  There is little religious significance to this, except that people are people and motivations remain the same. There are always those who are driven, those dealing with the unimaginable, those who are afraid to take sides.  And we live our stories together with our secrets...

The post challenge I took up today involved taking a picture of something you see every day. This is not quite the view of Anchorage I see all the time, but it's a shot I snapped this morning with no extra effort.  I'm in the middle of missing some of the things and the people that would be closer if I lived a little more east of here (as in: the Lower 48). Yet there is so much here: the church I love, my son's school, friends, trails I love, the bears and the moose.  The grass might be greener elsewhere, but the mountains aren't higher or closer or home. 

November 3rd, 2007 was- to date- the longest day of my life.  I've flown over the Atlantic, across the country, sat in hospitals for hours, was in labor for 30+ hours before an emergency C-section... none of that was as long as this day in that year.  It was a Saturday and we had been promised that our loved ones would be back from Iraq that night. They'd left in March. Since saying goodbye to my husband in mid-March, I'd graduated from Yale, driven across the country with my youngest brother, started my internship, and wandered around our house alone. I'd thought through every activity I picked up... would it be something I wanted to do when I was no longer living the single life.  Earlier in the week, we'd heard a maybe of Saturday afternoon. By Friday, we knew it would be Saturday evening. By Saturday afternoon, we knew it would be after midnight.  By 5:30 pm on Saturday, I'd cleaned the house to a degree it has never seen since. I baked chocol...

Weathering; The ups and downs of Alaska summer. It’s been very hot. Now it’s rainy and cool. Never complain, because it will change in a minute. Listening: “ All About That Bass ” by Meghan Trainor. Not normally my style, it’s just very catchy and positive about a variety of body types. Reading: Lost Girls: An Unsolved American Mystery Eating: Nothing because we had a barbecue after the softball game. Incidentally, I read a message recently that said you can say Bar-b-que or BBQ or barbecue, but NOT barbeque according to the AP Style Manual. I say, if it ain’t Lexington-style chopped pork from North Carolina, it’s just grilled meat- maybe with sauce. Drinking: Water Wearing: My softball jersey- “People of Hope” #29 Feeling: Like I did not get enough done today Wanting: To have a good night’s sleep Needing: See above Thinking: about 1 John 1:1-4 (Sunday’s main text) Enjoying: Cooler evening breezes and being inside, thus, away from the mosquit...

God! So many people are against me. So many oppose the work you are doing through me. I hear a chorus, chanting snidely, “God will not help you. God is not real.” Yet you, my God, are the truth I know. You protect me and give me life. I call out and God answers me, I hear God’s voice within and without. I rest. I sleep. I awaken, renewed by the Lord’s sustenance. I do not fear the many people who reject me. Who surround me. Act now, God! Bring relief to your servant! You turn away my enemies, You allow pain in those who oppose you! Liberation comes from God; May it be true for all your people. Amen.

Yesterday I saw pictures of how our feet can become misshapen in too-tight or otherwise ill-fitting shoes. Toes crammed together, heels cramped, arches falling or, conversely, drawn up too tightly, these were not pretty pictures. I wiggled my feet in my wide shoes and spread my toes as far apart as I could. Not a fan of the pointy-toed shoe or snug loafer, my feet still retain much of their natural spacing (according to the pictures I saw yesterday). In my barefoot walking today, I thought about our souls, our essence, and what "shoes" attempt to domesticate them. What are the cultural trappings that try to shape us out of our God-given wideness and strength into misshapen weakness that becomes more and more painful? The metaphor has its flaws, but also a ring of truth. I fling out my arms and dance in my bare feet, with my bared soul delighting in the Lord. Surely the kingdom is at hand. I can feel it in my toes.

NaBloPoMo Prompt for 2/18:  What has had more influence on your life perspective: your upbringing or your experiences? At this point in my life, my experiences have had a greater influence than my upbringing. The testing, tempering, and trial of what my parents imparted has been transmuted into something different in me.  Still, it must be said that my upbringing has likely shaped some or many of the experiences of my life.  My parents both went West at some point. So did I.  My parents pursued things unexpected. So did I.  There are many things like this in my life.  Two years ago, I was at a preaching conference where one of the speakers was explaining the concept of Midrash - a way of filling gaps through imagination and prayer to extend a biblical story. He spoke about how Midrash would be a new concept to the congregations we serve. Additionally, we needed, as clergy, to learn to wrestle with Scripture in the deep way. "It's okay to be frus...

Lord, we are hungry for your food. We ask you to nourish our souls. Lord, we are hungry for your food. We ask you to strengthen our minds. Lord, we are hungry for your food. We pray for courage and wisdom. Lord, we are hungry for your food. Our souls are restless and unsatisfied. Lord, we are hungry for your food. Fill us with the Bread of Life. Gracious God, sometimes we do not understand what Jesus is saying. We sympathize with the frustration and confusion of the disciples and those around him. Open our minds to a new and deeper comprehension of his teaching. Prepare us as a field to receive the lessons Jesus sows in our hearts, that they may come to an amazing harvest for you. Amen.

God of holiness and wholeness, Realize your promises to your creation. All souls long for you, feeling incomplete. Console us with your Spirit. Enough is as good as a feast in grace. Amen Originally posted here .

Today at RevGalBlogPals , RevKarla encourages us to write a short list of 5 things we love. This is a Friday Five in honor of and inspired by Valentine's Day. 1. I love living in Alaska. My dad says that Alaska smells raw and unfinished. I find a sense of discovery and being discovered in so many places here- both outdoors and in some of my usual places. 2. I love sushi. Not everyone likes the texture or the taste, but the firm bite of pure, cool protein thrills me every time. There are fish I enjoy more than others, but almost all of it is delicious to me. 3. I love St. Ives Apricot Scrub. I've been using this stuff on my face since I was 13. Even when I've tried other things, my face doesn't feel clean until I've used this stuff. 4. I love e-readers. A few years ago, I would have sworn that I'd never succumb to such an abomination. However, it turns out that the ability to have multiple books at your fingertips on a trip or in bed or at the gym or in ...

I recently got a Fitbit - a pretty fancy pedometer. I got it in part because other efforts toward health and activity have not been successful. Fitbit gives me little encouragements toward daily and weekly goals (and beyond). This morning I woke to an email congratulating me on having earned a 50 mile badge. Since starting with the Fitbit on 2/3, I've walked 50 miles while wearing it. That's essentially 5 miles a day. On the one hand, I'm thrilled that this is working for me like nothing else ever has. On the other hand, I feel embarrassed to need the adult version of a sticker chart to encourage me to healthy habits. In discussing this with some others today, they mentioned that they too really thrive on little boosts of encouragement and affirmation. Do we do enough of this in general for the people around us? I mean, genuinely affirm who they are, their efforts, and their progress? The other thing I think about is this: what would a Fitbit for spiritual hea...

NaBloPoMo Prompt:  What helps you keep thoughts in perspective so they don't overwhelm you? I work on this every day. Yesterday I was having a conversation with my synod bishop and I felt my anxiety rising.  I stopped and breathed deeply. I made sure my feet were set firmly on the floor and I spread my toes out in my shoes. I held my arms out slightly with my hands out at my sides and shook them as though I was shaking off water droplets.  Grace in, I breathed, anxiety out. Christ in, fear out. Grace in, savior complex out.  I announced to myself (and the bishop): "This [problem] isn't mine to save. I don't save. I'm a pastor, not a savior. This isn't mine to save." In any situation, defining my role helps me keep perspective.  I'm the parent. I'm the sister. I'm the wife. I'm the shopper. I'm the friend. I'm the neighbor.  There's no time when my identity to a situation is: I'm the savior.  Thanks be to God...

Today is the 125 th anniversary of my great-grandfather’s birth. Daniel Dunlap was my paternal grandfather’s father. My dad’s grandpa. He died well before I was born, so I did not know him, but I have heard many stories. For the past week, my dad and some of his cousins have been sharing memories of Grandpa Dunlap. He was a remarkable individual and well-known in the community for supporting education, for being a generous neighbor, and for his ability to repair just about anything with whatever he had at hand. His wife, Norabelle, was an equally remarkable woman. Growing up in Moore County, North Carolina, I was used to my dad and my grandfather explaining to me who was who and how they were related to us. Since my last name was Dunlap, I understood that Dunlaps were my people. When people spoke about Dunlaps, they meant me, too. My people also included Barbers and Needhams. When I went to Scotland in 2005, I never had to spell my last name. My mother’s people inc...

In addition to physical work to be healthier, I've been embracing some spiritual exercises that are outside of my usual "workout". I've prayed for a vision of healing and health. In my mind, a tree- bursting with new growth- in riotous color. The picture is bright in my mind- reds and deep pinks. I decided to try to put it on paper tonight. I used watercolor paper and oil pastels. I didn't exactly make a tree, but can you see both the new growth and the deep root system? And, of course, you can't miss the trinity knot centering everything.

John 5:1-18             In the Monty Python movie Life of Brian , there is a scene in which a man solicits Brian (the main character) for money. He runs alongside Brian and says, “Alms for an old ex-leper?”             When Brian finally understands what the man is saying, he replies, “Ex-leper?” The man explains that he had made his living, with his leprosy, by begging. Then Jesus came by and healed him, “without so much as a by-your-leave.” Now the man is begging as an ex-leper and he’s mad that Jesus robbed him of his trade.             Brian says, “There’s just no pleasing some people.” The ex-leper replies, “That’s just what Jesus said, sir.”             This is a very funny skit in the movie and we are able to laugh at it even out of context. The...

When I want to sink down in frustration, Lord, keep me moving. When I don’t want to hear any more, Lord, keep me listening. When I don’t have the words, Lord, keep me praying. When I am ready to dismiss, Lord, keep me loving. When I feel alone and overcome, Lord, keep me. Amen. Originally posted at RevGalBlogPals