Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Not Exactly Rarin' To Go

Prompt: What is the hardest part of a big project: getting the energy to begin, finding the time to work on it, or feeling down that it's over?

I can never get started. 

It's not because I like putting things off. It is actually because of my fear of failing. As long as I haven't started, the project is not a failure. 

I started to write "perfect", but I don't actually expect perfection of myself. That's not attainable. I do, however, have a standard for myself that probably looks like perfection to some people. I tend to operate with the personal expectation of a high level of competency, creativity, and clarity. I feel it very deeply when I fail on one of those. 

Thus, it is often easier not to start something because I can't flop on what I don't leap for. 

What a horrible sentence

It is the time of year when all my spare thoughts are about my Christmas Eve sermon. What can I say to communicate the power, mystery, and deep love of the Incarnation? How can I keep myself out of it, but make it personal enough that the majority of those hearing it believe it was meant for them? 

I almost write the thing on 12/23. On two years, I wrote it before then only because I had other people involved in the sermon. 

I was late on a play this year because I wanted it to be just right. I'd planned out most of it my head, but I dragged writing that first page. I knew once I started, I'd be okay. However, I couldn't commit to being open to the Spirit, writing, editing, and moving forward in the way I imagine normal (read:most) people do. 

I waited. Until it was embarrassing. 

I wish I had a clever ending for this post, but the truth is this: I'm just glad that I started it. 

No comments: