Skip to main content

Crossways

Sometimes you meet people and you assume that brief encounter encapsulates the entire experience you will have together. That's why I often encourage people to remember that they may be the one encounter another person has with Christ in a day or week or more. It sounds very New Age to say that our actions have a ripple effect, but I don't mean that in a "woo-woo" way. I meant it from the deepest need the world has for the gospel. People need good news and the message of salvation by grace through faith is what so many are hungering for.

Last February, in the middle of a cold snap, I got a call from a young couple to see if I would be willing to do their wedding. They really wanted to have it outside and every other pastor they had contacted said no. There was some urgency. She was pregnant. He was about to deploy for a year to Afghanistan. They were both from Florida. I figured if two kids from FL wanted to get married outside in 14 degree weather, then this pastor from Alaska could accommodate them.

Besides, I was pregnant. And my husband was about to deploy to Iraq. Everyone else said no, including the military chaplain, but they were determined and I hoped that by meeting with them and talking to them before the wedding- I would nourish seeds already planted by the Spirit that might help them turn to a church later in their lives.

We met and talked about what they knew about one another, the difficulties of being married during deployment, the stresses that they might anticipate, the reality that there was much we couldn't anticipate or know.

I married them in the dim light of a Saturday afternoon, near the picnic pavilion at Otter Lake on Fort Richardson. Several of his friends showed up in uniform. Her friends were all in Florida, but the guys encouraged her that day, as well as teasing the groom. It was frigid and she shivered in a sleeveless dress, while I struggled to turn pages in my Bible with my mittens. It was a very, very short service with their promises to each other, my Bible reading and reminder of God's love that was binding them together and which was there for them to lean on in good times and bad. I prayed for them and they kissed. Then everyone whooped and yelled and I served as de-facto wedding photographer while the "wedding party" lined up in the snow.

I've thought of them off and on, mostly in the context of how cold that day was. A few fleeting prayers when they came to mind and then...

This week, in my local paper, there has been a series of stories about a soldier, recently returned from Afghanistan, who shot and killed his wife and daughter and attempted to kill himself. He's still non-responsive.

It took me a couple days to put together the details, but when a picture of the little family ran- I recognized them together. When I did, I felt stunned.

I don't believe I could have done much more for them than I did. They both had strong, supportive families and other support networks. I was just a tangential intersection in their life.

I see the comments people make about the situation. Either that he must have been a monster to do a thing like this. Or he was a victim, through his military service, without enough support and there are three tragedies here.

The truth is somewhere in the middle, though there are more than three victims.

The answers could be no more war, more help for soldiers/airmen/Marines and their families, gun control, Prohibition, prayer... and the list goes on.

That's not my answer.

The tagline for The Shadow was "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?"

I think the real question is "Who knows what gaping depths ache in the hearts of all creation?"

God does.

I don't say that in a flip "Jesus is always the answer" way. I say that from the bottom of my heart. Within my life, within my work, within my heart, I know that people long for answers, for truth, for light, for control.

If God doesn't know the depth of that struggle, if God doesn't understand it, if God doesn't care, then nothing matters. Nihilistically, we climb the ladders and slide down the chutes. Life sucks and then you die.

But if God does know, if God does care, if God does understand, then we have hope. We believe that new growth comes from death. God came among us as one of us, in Jesus, so that we might know it's not our struggle that saves us. We're saved by our faith in the gracious One who struggles and aches alongside us.

Will this knowledge help the families associated with this tragedy? Maybe. Maybe not.

But it helps me. It helps me from saying "Screw it."

I believe that God was there, muttering about how free will was a bad idea, but the only way this will work. I believe that God was holding the mother and child in their last moments and was there to welcome them to eternal rest. I believe that God was with the shaking, angry, and terribly afraid young father who felt like there were no other options.

I don't think for a second that this was God's will. But I do believe that God was present for every moment.

And that's why I believe living a faithful life matters. Because in believing that God does care, then we are compelled beyond ourselves to share that love and care with the people around us. And it's phone calls, covered dishes, late nights, letters, hugs, listening, holding tissues, prayer, compassion that can save lives. It's God that saves souls.

Sometimes in a situation, you wonder if there was anything else you could have done. Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes, no. Sometimes someone else could have done something more. Sometimes there was nothing more to be done.

Rest in peace, R and K. Be at peace, K.

Comments

LoieJ said…
My heart aches for you all. When I think of tragedies, I always think of these people as being sons and daughters and brothers and sisters of somebody. That makes for heartache. Well saying "I always think" is slightly false. Sometimes I need to not think that way.

Popular posts from this blog

Religious Holidays in Anchorage

You may have read in the Anchorage Daily News about a new policy regarding certain religious holidays and the scheduling of school activities. If not, a link to the article is here . The new rules do not mean that school will be out on these new holiday inclusions, but that the Anchorage School District will avoid scheduling activities, like sporting events, on these days. The new list includes Passover, Rosh Hashanah , Yom Kippur , Eid al - Fitr and Eid al - Adha . They are added to a list which includes New Year's, Orthodox Christmas and Easter, Good Friday, Easter, Thanksgiving Day and Christmas. The new holidays may be unfamiliar to some: Passover is a Jewish celebration, in the springtime, that commemorates the events in Egypt that led up to the Exodus. The name of the holiday comes specifically from the fact that the angel of death "passed over" the houses of the Israelites during the plague which killed the eldest sons of the Egyptians. Passover is a holiday

Latibule

I like words and I recently discovered Save the Words , a website which allows you to adopt words that have faded from the English lexicon and are endanger of being dropped from the Oxford English Dictionary. When you adopt a word, you agree to use it in conversation and writing in an attempt to re-introduce said word back into regular usage. It is exactly as geeky as it sounds. And I love it. A latibule is a hiding place. Use it in a sentence, please. After my son goes to bed, I pull out the good chocolate from my latibule and have a "mommy moment". The perfect latibule was just behind the northwest corner of the barn, where one had a clear view during "Kick the Can". She tucked the movie stub into an old chocolate box, her latibule for sentimental souvenirs. I like the sound of latibule, though I think I would spend more time defining it and defending myself than actually using it. Come to think of it, I'm not really sure how often I use the

A Litany for Mother's Day

A: Loving God, You are everywhere the Lord and Giver of life. We praise You for the gift of mothers through whom You give us life. C: We thank You for their willingness to nurture life, for their trust in You to guide them through the labor of childbirth, the uncertainties of youth, the letting go of young adulthood. A: We thank You for all those women, who did not give us birth, but through whom You give us abundant life: C: We thank You for school teachers, aunts, grandmothers, sisters, pastors, elders, Sunday School teachers, supervisors, co-workers, neighbors and friends who share wisdom. A: We ask Your tender mercies on all those whose mothers now sing with the heavenly chorus, especially for those whose tears are not yet dry. C: Grant them Your peace, which passes all our understanding. A: We ask Your comforting presence on those mothers who have buried sons and daughters. C: Comfort them with the knowledge of their children in Your eternal care. A: We pray for those w